Can You Change Your Sexual Orientation?

One of the strongest arguments against homosexual­ity as an inborn, unalterable condition is change in sexual orientation. In this chapter we describe how the scientific literature shows that sexual orientation is anything but fixed and unalterable; rather, it shows that sexuality is fluid. People move around on the homosexual-heterosexual continuum to a surprising degree in both directions, but a far greater proportion of homosexuals become heterosexual than heterosexuals become homosexual. Some of the change is therapeutically assisted, but in most cases it appears to be circumstantial. Life itself can bring along the factor that makes the difference. This chapter looks at change and its proponents and opponents.

 

The Implications of Change

Changes either to or from OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction) have implications for genetic control. Kitzuger and Wilkinson [59] in their survey of changes towards lesbianism remark that there were so many different psychological paths to exclusive SSA (Same Sex Attraction) that it was impossible they were genetically controlled, a point rarely made.

For some reason people find it far easier to believe a person could move from OSA to SSA than the reverse. So we will concentrate mostly on surveying SSA to OSA .

 

Spontaneous Change Homosexual to Heterosexual

Bob is a former gay man whose father was sick most of his childhood and early teenage life. He grew up feeling homosexual attraction toward other men and had a lover for two years as a teenager. Two years after that relationship, he suddenly realized he wasn’t struggling anymore with homosexual feelings. “As I look back now I see that part of the reason was that I was working with my father and having regular time with him for the first time in my life. I didn’t realize what was going on, but a need was being met in my life, that I didn’t know was there. I didn’t struggle with homosexuality at that point.”

Bob believes that his homosexuality was a search for male affection and connection that had its root in the lack of a childhood relationship with his father. He was much closer to his mother. When he began in his late teens to work and relate with his father for the first time, he believes he gained something from the relationship that led to a diminution of his need for other men.

One homosexual man found that when he joined the Air Force, he began to notice women. The man was a self-identified homosexual – not seeking to change his orientation. “Being in a totally masculine environment I started to relate to men more spontaneously and feel better about my own masculinity. I felt I bridged a gap between me and the straight males … like being one of the guys and trusting each other. And as a result, all sorts of blocks broke down. I seemed to start to notice women … for the first time in my life I started having sex dreams with women in them. I was still mostly turned on by men, but suddenly, women too. It surprised the hell out of me.”[1]

Being able to trust straight males and become “one of the guys” seemed to bridge a gap between himself and heterosexual men that took him some distance along the continuum toward heterosexuality. He became, in effect, bisexual. The change led the authors of the paper to remark on “the malleability and temporal unpredictability of sexuality and sexual identity.”

The sexology literature reports a huge number of examples of change of all degrees from homosexuality to or toward heterosexuality. These studies have been so numerous that West (a gay man) in 1977 took an entire chapter in his classic book, Homosexuality Re-examined, to review them, and commented: “Although some militant homosexuals find such claims improbable and unpalatable, authenticated accounts have been published of apparently exclusive and long-standing homosexuals unexpectedly changing their orientation.”[8]

West mentions one man who was exclusively homosexual for eight years, then became heterosexual. Straight, a book written by a man with the pseudonym Aaron, in 1972, describes Aaron’s thorough immersion in the gay scene, his decision to leave it, and his arousal of feelings for women and subsequent marriage.[9]

Nichols[10] says some life-long female homosexuals spontaneously develop heterosexual interests and become bisexual in mid-life. She even thinks there is evidence (uncited) that this may be getting more frequent.

Another well known author in the field, Hatterer, who believes in sexual orientation change, said, “I’ve heard of hundreds of … men who went from a homosexual to a heterosexual adjustment on their own.”[11]

Among the Sambia, a Papua-New Guinean tribe in which homosexual sex was culturally prescribed for growing boys until marriageable age (when they were expected to be exclusively heterosexual), there was a significant change toward heterosexuality. Herdt,[12] who has intensively researched the Sambia, graded individual males on the Kinsey scale for those two periods: before and after marriage. He found that the change from adolescent to married man in attitudes and behavior equated to a move from Kinsey homosexual classes five and six to Class two, predominantly heterosexual. Herdt believed the change was a real change in sexual orientation.

 

Heterosexual to Homosexual

Exclusively heterosexual women can, in mid-life, develop lesbian feelings and behavior. This is a well known clinical feature of lesbianism.[8] It often occurs during marriage or after marriage break-up, with no clinically observable hint of prior existence – not even lesbian fantasy, as reported by the following two therapists.

Nichols[10] found among married bisexual women that “many appeared to make dramatic swings in Kinsey ratings of both behavior and fantasy over the course of the marriage” in ways that “cast doubt upon the widely held belief in the inflexibility of sexual orientation and attraction over a lifetime.”

Dixon[13] surveyed fifty women who became bisexual after the age of thirty. They were exclusively heterosexual before, having had no earlier significant sexual fantasy about females, and quite heterosexually satisfied. They continued to enjoy promiscuous sexual relationships with both sexes.

The work of Kinsey on male and female sexuality in the forties and fifties is probably classic in the field in its conclusions that sexual orientation is fluid and subject to spontaneous change. At an early stage in his research Kinsey (as cited by Kinsey researcher Pomeroy[2]) discovered “more than eighty cases of [previously homosexual] men who had made a satisfactory heterosexual adjustment.” This was 2% of his sample. Small amounts of homosexual fantasy remained; these men only just failed to make his Category Zero-exclusive heterosexuality. Kinsey also found that most of the changes were as adults.

Commenting particularly on the work of Kinsey et al., Texas researcher Ross says, “Given these data … sexuality can thus be seen as a fluctuating variable rather than as a constant.”[3]

Tanner[46] reported that about half the lesbians she knew were heterosexual before midlife.

A survey by the well known research team Bell, Weinberg and Hammersmith[4] published in 1981 also claimed that 2 percent of the heterosexual population said they had once been exclusively homosexual. Independently, Colorado researchers Cameron et al.[5] in 1985, reported an identical figure. Both these studies also put the incidence of homosexuality at 4 percent. In other words nearly half the homosexual sample moved significantly towards heterosexuality. But change was occurring in both directions. About 2 percent of the heterosexual group became homosexual. More data are available from the comprehensive study by Laumann et al. (1994),[6] who reported that about half those males homosexually active as young adults were no longer active later. Granted, only one or two incidences of activity were recorded in each case, and questions were directed at activity rather than identity, but, as far as it goes, the survey supports the other studies. Rosario et al. (1996)51,52 similarly reported in a longitudinal study that 57% of their gay/lesbian subjects remained exclusively gay/lesbian, but that the remainder had changed to varying degrees. Fox[57] reported various degrees of change among bisexual people.

California researcher Hart[7]reported that roughly 1 percent of a group of conservative Christian men spontaneously reported in an anonymous questionnaire on sexual orientation, attitudes and behaviours (but not on change), that they had once been exclusively homosexual but now were happy and adjusted heterosexuals. How many more did not report various changes in their lives? Similarly in a large web survey organized among gay and lesbian youth by !OutProud![53] when asked what they thought about the possibility of sexual orientation change to heterosexual, 1% actually volunteered they had made that change! What they were doing answering a gay/lesbian questionnaire is not clear; maybe they were simply curious about what was happening among their close friends in the gay/lesbian world and decided to complete the questionnaire anyhow..

The studies showing varying degrees of change continue to come out in the scientific journals. In a New Zealand longitudinal study[54] 1000 children were followed from birth. From age 21-26 1.9% of men moved away from exclusive OSA, and 1% moved to exclusive OSA. However among women an international record-high 9.5% moved away from exclusive OSA. A more usual 1.3% moved to exclusive OSA. These and similar changes within the group led the researchers to say this change was almost certainly not caused by genetic factors[54]. Similarly[55],[56], various degrees of change over a few years were shown among young women in the USA. Some readers may already have heard of the LUG fad in women undergraduates at some USA universities – Lesbian Until Graduation – which shows the degree to which sexuality may be changeable.

From the above we would have to conclude that homosexuality is much more fluid than heterosexuality as shown by the large proportion (50%) of homosexuals who move toward a heterosexual orientation, compared with the small proportion of heterosexuals who become homosexual. Kinnish et al.[49] surveyed in detail the type of changes that occurred which generally confirm the previous picture. The sample was not random, and might mean that the degree of change was less than shown here, because a study on sexual orientation might attract those who had changed and were curious about why – in other words they might be over-represented in the group. The criteria was self-ascribed sexual orientation. The changes were during the whole lifetime, and seem to have included the unstable adolescent years. Figures do not add to 100% because of complications involving the “mixed” category, and insufficient detail in the paper.

1. Most changes are towards exclusive heterosexuality
2. Those changes towards exclusive OSA are greater than the current total numbers of bisexuals and exclusive SSA people combined. This surprisingly supports the folk saying circulating nearly ten years ago: “ex-gays outnumber actual gays.” About 3% of both men and women with exclusive OSA claim to have once been something else.
3. Exclusive OSA is 17x as stable as exclusive SSA for men, and exclusive OSA is 30x as stable as exclusive SSA for women. Thus women move about on the sexual orientation continuum much more than men.
4. The degree of change in bisexuals was exceptionally high – many more changed than stayed stable.

No direct changes from exclusive SSA to OSA were reported in this sample. But it certainly confirms lots of change takes place spontaneously in the population.

At this point the natural question arises – if there are so many “ex-gays” in the population, where are they? Most readers will never have met any. It is no wonder the GLB community is very skeptical about whether real change occurs, though the best estimate of the researchers involved is that it does, and spontaneously, without clinical intervention, just in the normal course of life.

There are good reasons why this group has remained hidden.

1. Most who have changed to OSA have some shame about their previous life, and don’t like to talk about it to the extent that some are embarrassed to have books visible on their shelves which describe the change process.
2. Many think it was a real and permanent change, and their present state is the most important thing and summary of their core identity. They don’t want to talk about their previous sexual orientation.
3. If they are now heterosexually involved; admission of previous SSA may be destructive of a present relationship.
4. If they publicly admit their previous SSA they will be relentlessly and openly attacked and crossexamined by activist members of the SSA community. Since many of these “ex-gays” are on the more timid end of the confidence scale, they prefer to keep quiet.
5. Few of the changes are to 100% OSA and many people who have changed are uneasy about the few percent SSA that remains, since activists tend to argue in an absolutist fashion that even a remnant few percent SSA shows that real change does not happen.

In contrast, a currently exclusive gay who was once OSA is likely to say his previous OSA was a superficial layer covering a core SSA identity, and will be more open to discuss his previous identity, though that’s probably less likely for those who come out of a marriage.

The degree of hostility towards those who have changed is extreme, and disturbing, because of its almost total denial of free speech. Posters that appeared in the USA showing a largeish group of people and a message to the effect: “Can gays change? We did” infuriated members of the gay community. Some were torn down. Most heterosexual people would find such a claim intriguing, but not insulting to the GLB community. But one gay spokesman at Penn State in 1990 where this occurred called this “the most dangerous expression of heterosexism I have yet seen”. Faculties in universities have sometimes intervened to order removal of such posters and have shut down organizations on campus backing their message.

Why? This must threaten SSA people to a degree which heterosexuals find hard to appreciate. Maverick gay activist Camille Paglia mentioned[58] “…fascist policing of public discourse in this country by nominal liberals who have become as unthinkingly wedded to dogma as any junior member of the Spanish Inquisition. Why should the fluidity of sexual orientation threaten any gay secure in his or her identity?” But, as we saw above, gay/lesbian orientation is much less stable than heterosexual orientation, so suggestions that change is possible naturally stir up considerable anxiety.

The best summary of this section would be that there is a large degree of spontaneous change, admitted by all researchers except the extremely ideologically driven.

 

Assisted Change

If considerable swings in sexual orientation can happen without therapeutic intervention, it makes sense they would be even more considerable if they are therapeutically encouraged in a motivated person.

The first recorded instance of assisted change may be in the New Testament. In I Corinthians 6:9ff, Paul, writing to the Corinthians, said about homosexuals (the word translated homosexuals is arsenokoitai in the Greek, meaning “male/coitus”): “. . . that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” They changed, and it is reasonable to believe – given the emphasis in Christianity on inward attitude rather than merely outward behaviors – that the change was not merely behavioral. From the known dates of Paul’s missionary activity in Corinth and his first letter we may infer that any change occurred in a time span significantly less than 4 years and possibly within the 18 months of his stay there.

Assisted change has been attempted since last century,using many techniques, including hypnosis, aversion therapy, behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis; some methods rather brutal, some a lot more successful than others. At an early stage in his research Kinsey “recommended a pattern of treatment to those who wished to change”[2] In prescribing this course to those who wanted to take it, Kinsey always warned that “he had known it to be successful in many cases, but he had also seen it fail.” But it seems whatever the therapy used there was always some change toward heterosexuality as reported by the following therapists:

Dr. Reuben Fine, Director of the New York Centre for Psychoanalytic Training, remarked: “If patients are motivated to change, a considerable percentage of overt homosexuals (become) heterosexuals.” Dr. Bernard Berkowitz and Mildred Newman: “We’ve found that a homosexual who really wants to change has a very good chance of doing so.”[15] Dr. Edmund Bergler concluded after analysis and consultations with 600 homosexuals over thirty years: “Homosexuality has an excellent prognosis in psychiatric/psychoanalytic treatment of one to two years duration … provided the patient really wishes to change. Cure denotes not bi-sexuality, but real and unfaked heterosexuality.”[16] After twenty years of comparative study of homosexuals and heterosexuals, Dr. Irving Bieber wrote: “Reversal [homosexual to heterosexual] estimates now range from 30 percent to an optimistic 50 percent.”[17] Bieber followed some of his psychoanalytical clients for as long as ten years and found they had remained exclusively heterosexual.[18]

Dr. Charles Socarides said: “There is … sufficient evidence that in a majority of cases homosexuality can be successfully treated by psychoanalysis.”[19] Scientists Masters and Johnson, after work with sixty seven homosexuals and fourteen lesbians who requested reversion therapy, reported a success rate of 71.6 percent after a follow-up of six years. Although they have been criticized for serious flaws in their post-therapy follow-up and assessment, it seems certain they produced many real and lasting reversions.[20]

Psychologist Dr. Gerard van den Aardweg, after twenty years research into treatment of homosexuality, stated: “Two thirds reached a stage where homosexual feelings were occasional impulses at most, or completely absent.”[21] Psychiatrist Dr. William Wilson claimed a 55 percent success rate in treating homosexuals who were professing Christians.22 According to Dr. Robert Kronemeyer, a clinical psychologist: “About 80 percent of homosexual men and women in syntonic therapy have been able to free themselves, and achieve a healthy and satisfying heterosexual adjustment.”[23] 

UK sexuality researcher West, summarizing the mainstream material up to the ‘70s[8] says that behavioral techniques appeared to have the best rate of success (never less than 30 percent). Although psychoanalysis claimed a great deal of success, the average rate seemed to be about 25 percent. (But 50 percent of bisexuals achieved exclusive heterosexuality.)

One developmental research psychologist, Dr. Elizabeth Moberly, argued that the success rate of psychotherapy in homosexual reparative therapy has not been higher because of inadequate understanding of the causes of homosexuality. Rates of success obviously reflect the relevance of the treatment model. Moberly maintains that, until the eighties, psychotherapy was still viewing homosexuality as an opposite-sex problem rather than a difficulty in relating with the same sex. In her opinion, this explains the disillusionment of many homosexuals who unsuccessfully sought therapy in the past. It may be that the increasingly widespread adoption of Moberly’s treatment model in the last fifteen years is reflected in the higher than average change percentage figures claimed by various more recent groups.

However, even where it is inadequately informed, psychotherapy produces change wherever it impinges on issues relevant to the causes of homosexuality. As West comments in his review of the literature, “Every study ever performed on conversion from homosexual to heterosexual orientation has produced some successes.”[8] Dr, Reuben Fine similarly remarks, “all studies from Schrenk-Notzing [Victorian era] on have found positive effects virtually regardless of the kind of treatment used.”[14] According to West, those most likely to respond to treatment are clients with a good level of motivation, a history of some heterosexual feelings, and who have entered the gay lifestyle later.

But, in 1973, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) removed homosexuality as a disorder from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders (DSM-II), and redefined it as a condition only to be treated if the client was distressed – in which case he or she should be counselled to come to terms with the orientation. More recently, the APA Board recommended a resolution banning homosexual reparative therapy. The move failed only because of aggressive lobbying by the resolution’s opponents.[26]

 

Why does the gay activist resist change?

Gay activism usually comes up with any or all of the following arguments:

• The individuals concerned were never homosexual in the first place.
• The alleged change in orientation that has taken place is brief and illusory. (Given time the person will revert; the change is only the result of suppression of homosexual feelings which will resurface.)
• A person can change his or her identity but not the orientation. (You can stop acting homosexually, but you can’t stop being inwardly homosexual.)
• Those who say change is possible are “homophobic” (hating or fearful of homosexuality and homosexuals). That is, they are forcing homosexuals to become heterosexual because they don’t like homosexuality or homosexuals.
• Homosexuals who undergo this change are emotionally damaged in the process, become depressed, lose self-esteem, and become suicidal because they are doing violence to their true selves and “internalizing” the “homophobia” that is forcing change on them.

We estimate gay activists comprise 1 to 10 percent of all sexually active homosexuals.They have succeeded in defining themselves as a minority group unjustly suffering discrimination and are seeking equality with heterosexuals in all possible respects. Gay activism attempts to discredit any research that shows change is possible or anyone who claims to have changed. Why?

Here is our theory. People who came to adulthood in the last several decades of the 20th century lived for a long time with the growing awareness of their homosexual orientation, well-aware of prevailing attitudes towards homosexuality, fearful of disclosure, and not knowing what to do about it all. Many tried alone for years to change but failed. Some genuinely sought help from counsellors, ministers of religion, psychologists, or psychiatrists – often at considerable expense – but got nowhere. It’s not too surprising that many believe it’s impossible to change. “If it were possible, I would be heterosexual today,” some of them say. If they turned to religion, as many of them did, and found only censure, rejection, and no power to change, they will be cynical about the church unless it accepts them unconditionally. (Nearly 40 percent of gays say that, because of their homosexuality, they have become less religious than they were.32) Gays who find no way to change their orientation have few options, but one of them is to summon the considerable personal courage required to accept the label “homosexual” and “come out” to themselves, families, and others. But an identity in which there is such an enormous personal investment then has to become acceptable to society at large and gay activism has worked hard to this end on many fronts. Naturally, when governments begin granting political protections, and homosexuality begins getting backing from the church, the judiciary, education, the medical and caring professions and the media,and apparent “scientific” backing, change is not something a self-identified gay person needs to give much thought to – especially if there are rewarding patterns of sexual gratification and intense emotional attachment to give up. As one ex-gay, Frank Worthen, put it, after about thirty years out of homosexuality, “Sex (for males) has met their needs for closeness for so long that the prospect of giving it up is very threatening.” He goes on to say, “There is no one in the lifestyle who cannot make the change – but many will be too fearful to seek it.”[33]

Now, of course, the ‘right’ to be gay and sexually active is so enshrined that any suggestion that change might be a better option is barely heard.

People come to seek help for the following reasons:

Short-lived and Unstable Relationships

A good number of homosexuals find after a time that, homosexuality does not yield the promised satisfaction. Mr. Right doesn’t appear, or does, but sooner or later becomes Mr. Wrong.[35] One gay man described the lifestyle as “the search for monogamy, from bed to bed.” Researcher Hooker[35] found that almost all homosexuals have “an intense longing for relationships with stability, continuity, intimacy, love and affection but are unable to find it.” West comments that male relationships frequently break up “from internal dissension rather than outside pressure.” Sixty percent of male relationships last less than a year, and most lesbian relationships less than three years. Affairs of five years or more are exceptional.[8] The real life of the overt male gay is “replete with jealousy, competitiveness, insecurity, malice, tantrums and hysterical mood shifts” says West. Pollak says homosexual relationships are “often bedevilled from the start by dramas, anguish and infidelities,” intense dependency, jealousy, and rage.[60]

The median relationship length for all studies we have been able to find is 2.5 y for both gays and lesbians. In contrast, even in the United States, heterosexual couples have almost a 50:50 chance of reaching their silver wedding anniversary (25 years).

The reason for this may be shown in the work of Karten[61] who found that 86% of those in his subject group who had sought change reported that being gay was not emotionally satisfying. This was the second most common reason for therapy; the most common was religious reasons.

Unfaithfulness

Even in spite of “intense longings for stability and continuity,” gay monogamous relationships are rarely faithful. “Monogamous” seems to imply some primary emotional commitment, while casual sex continues on the side.[42] McWhirter and Mattison[43], a gay couple who are psychiatrist and psychologist, attempted to disprove the notion that gay relationships did not last. In their book, The Male Couple, they report the results. They finally located 156 male couples who had been together between one and thirty-seven years, two thirds of whom had entered their relationships with expectations of faithfulness. Only seven had been able to maintain sexual fidelity, and, of those, none had been together more than five years. They could not find one couple who had been faithful beyond five years.

Compulsive Behavior

Terms like “compulsive,” “hyper-sexual,” and “addictive” are turning up more and more in studies of gay sexuality. Researchers Quadland and Shattls, remark: “For some a lack of choice is involved…. They reported not feeling in control of their sexual behavior, reported having more sex than they wanted, and reported feeling victimized by their frequent sexual activity … the primary motivation and satisfaction appeared often not to be purely sexual…. A pattern of sexual control emerged which seemed most closely related to that of overeating”.[37]

Another researcher Pincu, comments that the main features of addictions are present in much gay sexual behavior, and the behavior is mood-altering — “The excitement is not unlike that of a child discovering something new or forbidden, is a strong motivating force in the continued search for gratification and temporary self-esteem…. All the traditional defences of repression, rationalizing, minimizing, and intellectualizing are used by the compulsive individual to avoid admitting there is a problem and that his life is out of control.”[38]

Homosexual promiscuity is well documented. Before AIDS almost half of white homosexual males had had at least 500 different partners, and 28 percent had had 1000 or more, mostly strangers.32 Homosexuals still have 3-4 times as many partners as heterosexuals,6 (when medians rather than means are compared) and between 13 percent and 50 percent of gays continue to practice high risk sex post-AIDS, evidence surely of an addictive drive. This is in spite of high levels of knowledge of HIV transmission routes, AIDS prevention counseling, positive HIV status, special safe-sex campaigns, and deaths of friends through AIDS.39,63 It seems clear that a significant amount of homosexual behavior is out of control. NARTH therapists mention a figure of 30% sexual addiction among their clients[62]

Sexual behavior that is out of control does not increase anyone’s self-respect; ultimately a cycle of using and being used leads to a sense of helplessness and depression.[40] Ex-gay groups say men seeking help often say they feel used. This is not to say that all homosexuals are promiscuous. Some are celibate, but they appear to constitute only a small minority of self-identified homosexuals. According to a long term study of homosexual men in England and Wales published in 1992, only 6 percent had had no sex in the last year.[41] West noted an “obsessive preoccupation with sexual topics whenever gay circles foregather” and “often a dislike of being tied down, leading to many partners“.

Loneliness with Increasing Age

Male homosexuals become isolated with age. Kinsey Institute sociologists Gagnon and Simon comment, “serious feelings of depression or loneliness are often attendant on … the middle to late thirties.”[36]

A future with no family life, children, or grandchil­dren can mean a bleak future for the non-married homosexual who becomes less attractive as he ages and does not feel accepted by the heterosexual community. Modern gays seek to deal with that by campaigning for civil unions and gay families.

Early Death

A less common motive for therapy (41%) is fear of death. After AIDS emerged there was an initial concentration on safe-sex precautions, but the campaigns since 2005 are increasingly being ignored. And even anti-HIV drugs are not preventing deaths as they might. The risk of cancer in AIDS patients is 20 times higher than in the general population64 and epidemiologists consider 20 times an astonishingly high factor. The inevitable medical truth is also that unprotected promiscuity whether associated with OSA or SSA is the ideal milieu for infectious disease, some of which will be life-shortening.

Rotello[28] points out the hard mathematical fact that a community becoming HIV+ at current typical rates of 1-2% per year will lead to 50% infection and death in the long-term, which would mostly occur in cities in suburbs in which gay people predominate.

Fear of Change

Ex-gays who have spent years in the gay scene say many gays would get out of the scene if only they knew how. Given the abundant statistical evidence of change, the attempt by gay activists to discredit the change process is a form of discrimination against a significant group of homosexuals who want to change. Dr. Fine remarks, “The misinformation … that homosexuality Is untreatable by psychotherapy does incalculable harm to thousands of men and women.”[14] Dr. Bergler insists, “The homosexual’s real enemy is his ignorance of the possibil­ity that he can be helped.”[16] Masters and Johnson comment, “No longer should the qualified psychotherapist avoid the responsibility of either accepting the homosexual client in treatment or … referring him or her to an acceptable treatment source.”[20] Dr. Tiffany Barnhouse, Professor of Psychiatry at Southern Methodist University stated: “The frequent claim by `gay’ activists that it is impossible for homosexuals to change their orientation is categorically untrue. Such a claim accuses scores of conscientious, responsible psychiatrists and psychologists of falsifying their data.”[44]

Conscience

The gay lifestyle is not unrelieved misery. Some gays and lesbians don’t leave it for any of the above reasons. They have plenty of good times and would be happy to stay where they are if it weren’t for what they would probably call their conscience – a persistent sense that what they’re doing is not what they’re meant to be doing. They would be reluctant to describe this as “internalized homophobia.”

The Change Process

Ex-gay groups, and those therapists working with homosexuals seeking to change, identify several major issues needing attention: severe breaches in the relationship with the parent of the same-sex and refusal to role-model, unhappy same-sex peer group relationships, sexual abuse, eroticization of unmet needs for affection, confusion of sex with love, a cultivation of a mind-habit of same-sex erotic fantasy, and an addictive cycle of sexual gratification. In females the addictive cycle is less sexual than emotional. The groups say the problem is deep-seated and to beat it takes dedication, patience, honest self-examination, and a lot of support. Ex-gays tend to say two things are essential: a complete break with the gay lifestyle (leaving the current relationship, and the gay milieu, moving out of the area if necessary), and a strong heterosexual support network to replace the gay support structure. Ex-gay groups belong to a family of support groups dealing with problem behaviors. Most of these make an appeal to a higher power. In ex-gay groups, the appeal is specifically to God, who is represented as loving and understanding – unlike many gay perceptions of God. They work to raise levels of self-esteem.

Groups say that accountability, constant support, confrontation, help in dealing with the addictive cycle (identifying and avoiding triggers), and forming nondefensive, non-erotic friendships with people of the same sex (or similar mentoring), inclusion in families, lead to gradual but steady shifts in sexual orientation toward heterosexuality and the development of heterosexual attraction. Members are encouraged to forgive parents and reconcile. Lesbians in particular receive help for high levels (85 to 90 percent) of male sexual abuse.

Surveys with varying degrees of formality, have shown that the factors most helpful in the process are affirmation by other heterosexual males (e.g. in male “new warrior”-type weekends) and mentoring (if a mentor can be found). These factors were more important than therapy itself, or support groups, though these received some plaudits.

Ex-gay groups are often unwilling to specify a time frame for the transition process, but change appears to be slow and steady. Some therapists and ex-gay groups say compulsive drives can fall to controllable levels in eighteen months to two years and steadily diminish thereafter. It appears that after he or she is no longer acting out compulsively, the “ex-gay” is not too different from people seeking help for heterosexual problem behaviors. Courses run by ex-gay groups often examine and help group members resolve “underlying” attitudes that they say prop up the homosexual condition, like resentment, unforgiveness, fear, anger, insecurity, rejection, envy, isolation, pride, anti-authority attitudes, defensive ways of relating, low self-esteem, manipulation, and the need to be in control. Ex-gay groups claim that those who have worked through the issues are genuinely no longer homosexual on the inside – not merely suppressed homosexuals who appear heterosexual on the outside. (A fuller discussion of the change process may be found elsewhere.[33]) Many ex-gays go on to marry, but early marriage with an opposite sex partner is usually a disastrous form of therapy and is therefore discouraged until much later.

Gay activists have attacked the change process, saying it is injurious to self-esteem and can make gays suicidal and depressed[50]. However, a survey by Dr Roger Mesmer found the opposite. Mesmer surveyed 100 people who had sought help toward a change of sexual orientation. He found that 88 percent felt “more able to have friendly relationships” and felt “more self-respect.” Ninety-seven percent of men felt more masculine, and 77 percent of women more feminine. Seventeen of the respondents had married, 55 percent reported “exclusively heterosexual interest,” and 47 percent some homosexual interest that they “rarely felt compelled to act out.” Thirteen per cent still had some homosexual behavior. Ninety four percent felt closer to God.[45] A NARTH survey also found an improvement in psychological well-being and inter-personal relationships as a result of reparative therapy, as did the Jones and Yarhouse survey. Ex-gay groups argue that homosexuality itself is a symptom of poor self-esteem, saying that a boy or girl who has not bonded with a same-sex parent, has felt different from and excluded by peers, and has often been sexually abused, will not have high levels of self- esteem. Sexual behavior which is out of control also leads to depression. Homosexuals and lesbians attempt suicide roughly three times more often than heterosexuals[32], a statistic that has often been blamed on societal attitudes. But, according to Bell and Weinberg, gay suicide attempts, when they are directly related to homosexuality, are often over the break-up of a relationship.[32] The literature shows the rate of attempted suicides amongst SSA in various countries is unrelated to the degree of liberalism so is not directly related to discrimination and other attitudes in society. It seems unreasonable, therefore, to claim, as gay activism does, that those who try to help motivated homosexuals change are homophobic. To be consistent, they would have to argue that Alcoholics Anonymous hates alcoholics.

Although gay activists say that those who claim to have changed were obviously never homosexual in the first place, hundreds of homosexuals making the transition can talk of years of homosexual desire and attraction, homosexual activity, or of lovers, live-in relationships, promiscuity and political activism. One former gay man, the Rev. David Kyle Foster, often answers those who doubt he was ever really homosexual in the first place, “Would making love to over 1000 men count?”

Although gays want proof that no homosexual thought will ever occur again, ex-gay groups say such a demand is unrealistic. They report that homosexual urges gradually become controllable and continue to diminish steadily, while heterosexual interest begins to develop. Many ex-gays marry happily. In the words of one 35-years-plus ex-gay, Alan Medinger, “some little thing might zing `em periodically. But it’s really nothing more than a nuisance.” Ex-gays in treatment are taught to identify what they are really seeking when a homosexual impulse occurs, and to set about getting it non-erotically. In males, it is often a need to be affirmed as a male by another male.

How much can people change?

We note the statement above of Dr Van den Aardweg, that in two thirds of cases in his therapeutic experience, homosexual impulses became only occasional or completely absent. Those who move among the ex-gay groups will also encounter such people, in spite of the fact that the groups’ help is less professional. Large change is possible for some individuals.

What does the fact that there are a variety of outcomes mean? It certainly means that change is worth trying if someone is deeply dissatisfied with their current state. The fact that some people change to a remarkable extent is valuable because it shows what may be possible for many more people in future as research continues.

Does the fact that some people do not change negate the change in those who do? Of course not. No one would not look at failures of cancer therapy and say no cancer therapy should be allowed. But what an ideal those in remission from cancer represent!

In both Spitzer’s and Karten’s group of subjects there was a lot of religiosity. As in AA, those who had changed, believed they had been helped by a Higher Power. However different degrees of religiosity had little effect. Within his group, Karten did not find a clear correlation between change of feelings and degree of religiosity. The conclusion from other studies is that change occurs more often with some religiosity rather than none. A general conclusion from the Spitzer and Karten surveys is that the more extreme changes are rarer, but that there is general satisfaction with whatever change occurred.

There are no statistics on the extent to which such people ultimately form satisfying opposite sex relationships; anecdotal evidence suggests that quite a proportion of those who change become satisfied singles. Many in our modern society, who often insist on sexual gratification as an inalienable right, object, saying that degree of change is not enough, but the person who simply gratifies his desires can have little to say to someone who has achieved a personally satisfactory outcome though some years of deep and difficult self-examination.

 

Summary

There is abundant documentation that homosexuals can move toward a heterosexual orientation, often with therapeutic assistance, but surprisingly often without it. Obviously, sexual orientation is fluid, not fixed, so it is impossible to argue it is genetically pre-determined. There seems a good possibility that various degrees of change may happen with the right support including therapy of various kinds. The problem in the present hostile social climate may be finding such support.

 

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Whitehead, N., Whitehead, B. (March 1999). My Genes Made Me Do It! — A Scientific Look at Sexual Orientation., Huntington House Publishers